CONSERVATIVES Vs LIBERALS

  

If a liberal doesn’t like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.

 If a conservative doesn’t like guns, he doesn’t buy one. 

If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn’t eat meat.

If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.

If a conservative sees a foreign threat, he thinks about how to defeat his enemy.

A liberal wonders how to surrender gracefully and still look good. 

If a conservative is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.

If a liberal is homosexual, he demands legislated respect. 

If a black man or Hispanic are conservative, they see themselves as independently successful.

Their liberal counterparts see themselves as victims in need of government protection. 

If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.

A Liberal wonders who is going to take care of him. 

If a conservative doesn’t like a talk show host, he switches channels.

Liberals demand that those they don’t like be shut down.

If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn’t go to church.

A liberal non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced. (Unless it’s a non-Christian religion, of course!) 

If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it.

A liberal demands that the rest of us pay for his.

If a conservative slips and falls in a store, he gets up, laughs and is embarrassed.

If a liberal slips and falls, he grabs his neck, moans like he’s in labor and then sues. 

Conservatives stoops to pick up trash he finds not properly disposed of.

Liberals get angry that there isn’t a government program paying somebody else to pick up trash—and they want the jobs unionized. 

If a conservative reads this, he’ll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh.

A liberal will delete it because he’s “offended”.

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